The Legend of Groose: The Sealed Pompadour
by potatosaurusrex
Summary: The Second Entry in the Legend of Groose series. Groose embarks on another adventure to save Zelda from the clutches of evil. Who will join him for the journey? What forces stand against him? TUNE IN TO FIND OUT. NOW. Don't forget to read, review, and most importantly, enjoy!
1. I Can't Believe it's not Groose!

"Hurry up with the microwave dinners! It's not that hard!"

"Easy for you to say, you're the Goddess of being smarterest."

"Just quicken your pace, Din. Jeopardy is about to start!"

"Okay, hang on." Grumbling, Din grabbed the package off of the table. She was a Goddess, why should she have to put up with this shit? She opened the door and threw the box inside, then slammed it shut.

Farore sat on the couch, her feet kicked up. Nayru eagerly awaited the start of the show. From inside the kitchen, Din screamed, "Down with Trebek!"

Farore turned up the television, eager to hear what the first question would be.

"This fan fiction author is undeniably the greatest human to step foot on earth." read Alex Trebek.

Instantly, a contestant buzzed in. She screamed "**Potatosaurusrex!**" at the top of her lungs, smiling with glee.

"I'm sorry, that is incorrect."

"What!?" Farore screamed, throwing the remote at the screen. "That's bullshit! I hate this show."

"Well what do you suggest we turn on?" Nayru asked, getting up to grab the remote. "The only other things on are the Channel 3 News and the Simpsons, both of which are depressing to watch nowadays."

"Fine, then let me have the remote so I can flip through the channels and act like I want to be engaged in something." Farore took the remote from Nayru and began furiously pressing the channel change button. For a television that belonged to the Goddesses, it sure didn't have a very good cable subscription.

"Din… are you doing okay in there?" Nayru asked, walking over to the kitchen.

"Yeah… these microwave dinners just take a while, I guess."

Nayru looked at her quizzically. The microwave was on the other side of the room. Din was standing next to the portal to the realm of mortals. Curiously enough, the dinners were still on the table.

"Din, did you put the microwave dinners in there?"

"Yeah, why?"

"First of all, that's not the microwave. That leads to the world we preside over. Second of all, what you put in there wasn't the dinners, because they're still on the table."

"**I wonder what's for dinner!**" Farore called in from the other room, snickering.

"Does that explain why it laughed when I threw it in?"

"Wait… it laughed?"

"Yeah. The black box? The one that was smoking?"

"You mean the one… Din… The one that we put there a couple days ago?"

"I thought it spoiled over, but you _really_ seemed to want it."

"**That was not a microwave dinner!**" Nayru screamed, gripping her sister's throat.

"Uh… you two might want to come see this."

Farore sat on the sofa, mouth agape. She'd stopped on the Channel 3 News, where the latest headline rolled across the screen.

"What?" Din asked. She began (slowly) reading the screen aloud, "_Potatosaurusrex beginning new fan fiction?"_

"No, you imbecile!" Farore slapped her. "Not the subtext! The headline! Who the hell reads the subtext!"

The words "Ancient Evil re-released into the world of mortals" rolled across the screen ever so casually.

* * *

"Why sure I'll sign your forehead little boy!"

"Groose, it's me, Pipit. And I never asked for a signature."

Groose leapt at Pipit, holding a sharp pen to his head. Link and Zelda latched onto his arms and began pulling him back. Groose reluctantly calmed himself, leaving a scribbled mess on Pipit's forehead. He sighed in frustration, placing his hand on his forehead and walking away into the small crowd of people.

"Groose… you can't keep doing that." Zelda said, knowing this wasn't the first time and probably wouldn't be the last.

"But I saved the world… It's like nobody's grateful for anything…"

"They were grateful, but it's been-"

A horse rode by with a knight on its back, neighing loudly, covering up Link's speech.

"-months and I'm pretty sure everyone's showed their gratitude five times over."

"Well that's stupid. I want a statue."

"That'd deserve saving the world twice!" Zelda said sarcastically, parting from the group to see her father, who stood at the center of town. He was laying out instructions to workers for the creation of the castle, which was commencing soon.

Groose, continued down the path, noting how well the residents of Skyloft had adjusted to their new settings. Ah, Grooseland was shaping up very nicely.

* * *

"Free… free from the confines of that prison… free to roam the surface once more… free to practice evil…** free for revenge!**" Demise went down his bucket list, reading from memory. It hadn't been long, but he'd already devised his next intentions, and he was going to begin soon. He was, however, at a disadvantage at the moment. "If I am to conquer the world and spread my wrath, I'm going to need more power. In this state of being, I have little to no influence over anything."

"Excuse me sir, who are you talking to?"

"What the- who are you? Can you see me? How?"

"Uh… I dunno." The small Kikwi looked up at the Demon Lord with a childish grin. It ran over to him and hugged his leg, smiling. Demise groaned, and punted the Kikwi off into the distance.

"Well… that went well… Now, where am I…" The Demon Lord proceeded to gather his bearings, as the makings of an adventure began to form. The wheels of fate had begun to spin once more.


	2. Birdemic: Groose and Terror

**Author's Note: Wow, I can't believe I forgot the chapter title for the first chapter! The one I have fixed it with should fix the situation entirely.**

**Oh, and also, I started a new story. Enjoy.**

* * *

Zelda sat in her house, her feet propped up on a stool. She was reading a book titled "How to Avoid Getting Kidnapped: Things You and Your Future Incarnations Should do to Prevent Capture".

"Well, it's a strangely long title, but I guess I'll read it. It won't be useful, but hey, why not. I mean really, what are odds that I-"

The window shattered, and Zelda turned. A bird laid on her windowsill, twitching. Zelda shrugged it off, figuring that her nerves had got the best of her.

As she reached for the book she had dropped, the wall behind her burst apart in a shower of debris. A deep, drawn out, "**Oh yeah!**" sounded from behind her. As she turned around, she saw Demise standing behind her. He grabbed her by the neck, and whisked her away before she could scream.

* * *

"**Groose! Groose!**" Link ran down the stone path of the town, screaming at the top of his lungs. Groose stood at the front of the castle, barking orders to random workers who laid down stone.

"You! Put that stone there! Where's the giant statue of me! I want a moat with alligators! And where are we going to put the swimming pool? Think ahead, you idiots! Get back to work!"

"Who the heck are you?"

"I'm Groose!"

The hired Goron got down from his castle work and walked over to him. "We were never instructed to take any instruction from you."

"You used a form of instruct twice."

"Get out, Gorons don't have to apply to the author's general rules of grammar."

"Those aren't even his, those are his editor's."

"The hell if I care, get out!" The Goron shooed Groose away. He turned to Link, who was laying on the ground gasping for air.

"Was there something you wanted?"

"Zelda… gone… window… bird…" Link let out strained words inbetween gasps for breath.

"I'm pretty sure that doesn't make any sense. I'm not here to play twenty questions."

Link got up, and began tugging on Groose's shirt. He began running again to Zelda's house, and Groose followed. As they reached the house, they noticed the damage from the outside. A window was broken, and a Demise-shaped hole was in the side of the wall. There was no sign of Zelda inside.

"Well… as it would appear, Zelda is gone." Groose said very calmly. His head twitched a bit.

"Do you… know what… this means…" Link said, still trying to catch his breath.

"I dunno!"

"Well we should probably attempt to start finding suspects and what not."

"So where do we start?"

"We should probably start with investigating. So who do you think we could question first?"

"How about him?" Groose pointed up to the sky. Link turned around in time to see a Kikwi flying through the sky, plummeting down towards Link at an alarming rate. The Kikwi clutched his face, screaming in its little Kikwi voice. Link began clawing at his face, screaming in terror.

"**Why does everyone think my face is a launch pad!?" **he shouted, gripping his hands around the Kikwi. He wrenched it off of his face, and dropped it to ground. He ran off screaming, with scratches all down his face.

"Hi there mister!" Groose looked down at the small Kikwi. It didn't appear to be as old as the other Kikwis. "How are you?" It talked with a slight speech impairment, pronouncing its "th"s as "d"s, and its "r"s as "w"s.

"Where did you come from?" Groose asked.

"A big guy with firey hair kicked me all the way here!" it said, maintaining a cute and innocent posture of obliviousness.

"Oh did he…" Groose slowly began to piece together the clues. "The question is... what is Ghost Rider doing in Grooseland?"

"It's not Ghost Rider, you moron." Link walked up, his face covered with makeshift bandages he had made from a chunk of fabric he ripped off from his shirt. "Think Groose. Who do you know that is big and fiery?"

"Ghost Rider."

"Try again."

"Ghost Rider."

"It's not Ghost Rider."

"Nicolas Cage."

"It's not Nicolas Cage."

"Hmm… Ghost Rider."

Link sighed in frustration. "It's Demise."

"Demise!? But I thought I killed him!"

"Whether you did or not, he's obviously back. Unless this is a Ghost Rider crossover, but judging by the story's placement," Link pointed to the upper left corner of the screen, "this is not a crossover!" Link paced the ground, pondering the current situation.

"Hey… how did you do that?" Groose asked.

"How could Demise have gotten out of the Realm of the Goddesses? Isn't that where you sealed him?" Link said, ignoring the question.

"Yeah. I didn't screw up! This was someone else's fault!"

"Maybe you should ask him!" the tiny Kikwi called out. Groose looked down at the Kikwi, who was still standing next to Groose.

"Where did he come from?" Link asked.

"Well, I was kicked here from Lanayru."

"Why were you in the Sealed Grounds?" Groose questioned the Kikwi.

"Well, I was kicked there by the big scary guy."

"Wait, he kicked you twice?" Link asked.

"Yeah…" the Kikwi looked down at his feet.

"Well, that's not too far from here. I suggest we get going, Groose."

"Indeed." Groose responded. He picked up the Kikwi and set it on his shoulder.

"Do we really have to bring it with?" Link asked, poking the Kikwi in the stomach. It chuckled a little.

"Yeah, this adventure would be incomplete without… what's your name?"

"My name is Cheebi!"

"Cheebi… that's too long." Groose said, scratching his chin.

"What do you mean it's too long? It's six letters!" Link exclaimed.

"I'm shortening it to Cheeb, okay? That's your nickname, Cheeb. Do you like that?"

"I… I guess." Cheeb shrugged. "Let's go!"


	3. We Now Return to The Legend of Groose

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Gee I sure love work. Sorry for the extremely late update, but I'm trying. This was rewritten at least twice. Read, Review, and Enjoy!**

* * *

Zelda awoke with a startle. Where was she? How long had she been out? Who was phone? Wait, no, that last one may have been fo- Why was the ground moving? Zelda, becoming more aware of the situation, slammed down on Demise's back. Thrashing around did nothing, to her dismay. "You monster!" she screamed. "What are you doing?" Zelda continued to slap Demise's back, to no avail.

"Oh hey, you're awake._ Heh_." Demise continued shooting through the sky. Zelda watched as the trees below flew past in a blur of green vegetation. "I suppose you're wondering what's going on. Now, that is a very good question. Unfortunately, you won't have long to contemplate it."

"Oh, you fiend!"

"Fiend? What is this, Shakespeare? I mean, we use some pretty fancy words, but 'fiend' is stretching it just a little."

"I am a sophisticated ruler, an intelligent bearer of extreme responsibility to bring order and peace to my people. Of course I'm going to use big words."

"Oh, and your doll speaks wonders for your case."

"You leave Tingle alone!" Zelda hollered, angrily pounding down on the Demon Lord, shifting her weight forward. Demise, thrown off balance, dipped down from his flight, losing temporary control. He spun around before regaining his control and raising back to a comfortable altitude.

"Good job. I hope you're happy."

"_I think I'm going to be sick…_" Zelda murmured, clutching at her stomach. Demise handed her a brown paper bag. "Where did you get this?"

"Do you want it or not?" Zelda accepted the bag without further question. "Now while you sit there and hack up Octorok, I'm going to ramble about my evil plan. After that bastard Groose sealed me away, I began plotting my revenge. This is that plan set forth. In my current state, I'm nothing more than a mere mortal man with magical abilities. But upon gaining my strength back, I'll be able to take your world by storm, leaving nothing but chaos and ruin. And that's where you come in. I'll harness the power of your soul once more, and I'll become the most feared individual to ever walk the earth."

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that?" Zelda said, holding the now full bag in her hand.

"Get that shit out of here!" Demise swatted the bag out of her hand, and it fell to the surface below.

* * *

"I'm just saying, you haven't given anyone else a nickname, why start now?"

"Actually, I give everyone nicknames."

"Oh really, then what's mine?"

"I don't want to say it in front of Cheebs." Groose pointed to his head. "Might taint his mind. You know."

Link sighed in defeat. He knew inside that he was never going to understand how Groose's mind worked. That is, if it even did.

Suddenly, Groose screamed, "Cheebs! Don't eat that!"

"I wasn't going to." Groose walked up to the Kikwi, who had found something along the path.

"What is it?" Link asked, approaching the duo. They had been traveling this path for hours now. If Link remembered correctly, this was the one that led back to the Sealed Grounds. Link, bending down, poked at the thing.

"It smells awful!" Cheeb clutched his nose… beak… thing in disgust. He fell over onto the ground and rolled around in agony. Link was only able to identify it as some sort of thin container thing. Whatever it was filled with was not pleasant. Groose picked up Cheeb, and held him over the smelly bag. "What is that stench!?" Cheeb screamed.

Link said, "If I had to guess, it's probably vomit."

Groose, however, wasn't listening to Link. "That is the stench of discovery!" Groose bellowed, swinging Cheeb up into the air. "Follow the scent, Cheeb!" Groose slammed the Kikwi face first into the ground, and began plowing through the ground using the poor Kikwi's face.

* * *

"**Hold it!**" Groose screamed, pointing to the Statue. Atop it stood Demise, a sheet of black smoke flowing from his head.

"Great job, puny mortal. Now, let me ask you, was nearly killing that innocent yet annoying Kikwi really necessary?"

"Of course it was!" Groose said, patting Cheeb on the head. He spit out a mound of dirt and the torn remains of a Blessed Butterfly. He coughed up some more dirt, then turned to Link, who had taken the general "stand by and provide general verbal support whilst being relatively useless" position.

"Does he always do this kind of stuff?" Cheeb asked Link.

"I lost a tooth the last time."

Demise laughed, and held up Zelda, who was kicking and screaming. "Great. Now, it's time for me to begin my first steps to world domination." With that, Demise lifted his free fist, and pummeled downwards into the Statue. He disappeared into it, a pillar of smoke rising from the top.

"Uh… should we have told him that the Triforce is right there?"

Upon Groose's questioning, which was surprisingly on track, Link, Cheeb, and Groose heard a large cracking noise. The Statue lurched to the side, towards the three, and suddenly began to crumble. Chunks of stone and rock began to plummet to the ground. Groose narrowly dove out of the way of an eye, and Link dashed off to the side to avoid getting flattened. Both watched as the religious landmark that had housed such importance to their culture and life fell before them, leaving a hole in the ground.

Whether it be by lack of intelligence or blinded heroics, Groose ran forward and leapt to the hole, still dodging crumbling pillars and other various debris. He dove down, the remains of the Skykeep that rested below it charred and scorched. The only light came from Demise's head, whose fire had begun to grow stronger. His laugh echoed off the chambers, ringing through Groose's ears. His pompadour pointed down, he stretched out his hands, still fixated on Demise. He ripped off debris until he reached what he was looking for, a black stone Groose recognized all too well. Demise ripped it from the ground, a dark aura forming around it, engulfing first Demise and Zelda, then Groose. Groose blacked out, the last thing him feeling was the cold grip of Demise's hand.


	4. The Legend of Groose: Plot Progression

"_Ugh… Where am I?_" Groose was laying on the ground, unable to move. He felt strange, as if he was floating on air. His eyes slowly began to focus on the environment around him. The sky was a deep purple, the clouds a bloody red. He could make out a faint silhouette a couple feet away from him. He wanted to reach out and touch it, to get at least a hint of what was going on, but it was to no avail.

"Groose… do you recognize this place?" a deep voice rang out among the sounds of the wind rushing through Groose's senses. "This is where you defeated me… not once, but twice." Groose heard footsteps approaching, the ground splashing with every move towards him. "Now, I've come for vengeance. I have you, your precious Zelda, and myself. That's all that I need." Groose pondered what the Demon Lord meant, but his questions were answered as soon as Demise stood above him. A faint humming was emanating from above, and a golden light blinded Groose, obstructing his view. "With this, I can finally take back what should be mine. I lost it once to her, and once to you. Now, there's nothing that could stop me. I have all three of the sacred holders in place, and the Triforce's Power is mine."

Groose struggled, but try as he might, he still could not move. Demise began to chuckle, which rose to a laugh. As he held up the Triforce, Groose felt a burning sensation in his hand. He recognized it as the mark of the Triforce returning to his hand yet again. The deep purple sky turned to black, and the clouds began to sputter to life. Lightning began to strike down from above.

"Not today, too fast!" a smaller, meeker voice cried out. Groose listened as the racing pitter patter of feet approached. Groose recognized the voice as none other than his beloved Zelda, and watched as her shadow eclipsed the light of the Triforce held above him. Zelda latched onto Demise, spinning around and wrapping her hands around his neck. Groose listened to Demise wheeze and watched him struggle to remain standing as he loomed over Groose's body. Eventually getting a grip on Zelda, Demise hurled her off, and Groose heard her body flop on the ground next to him. She rested her hand on Groose's face, and Groose noticed something strange happening. Her piece of the Triforce began to materialize in front of his face, and he watched as it split into eight pieces. Zelda sent the pieces of the Triforce soaring into the sky, disappearing among the clouds in a flash of light.

Groose was very confused by this, being as how all he could do was watch and listen. Zelda, using the last of her strength, summoned a beam of light from the sky. Groose felt himself fading away from the realm, but before he could leave, he heard Zelda whisper something in his ear. It sounded like… "No, die gyro." Wait, no. It was probably "Go, my hero." And just like that, Groose was gone.

* * *

"What the **hell **was that!?" Groose cried, jolting up with a shout.

"Groose, you've been out for quite a while now, are you alright?" Link asked.

"No, not that. The wall of text Potato just created! Look at that. That's not even entertaining. We might as well name this chapter 'The Legend of Plot Progression'." Groose stood, stretching out his back. As he did, he noticed a piece of parchment fall to the ground.

"It's from Demise!" Link said, picking it up and opening it. He read it aloud, "Dear pesky pompadour, the demon chiefs and I have taken over 'Grooseland'. The Triforce Pieces are now permanent guests at my eight summons. I dare ya ta find 'em if ya can!"

"Well, that was an awful rehash of a worse game's plot, but I guess it's almost entertaining. Close enough. So, from what I can gather, Zelda split her Triforce into eight pieces. If we can find those pieces, I'd imagine that we would have the power to break Demise's seal on the realm and save Zelda." Groose was satisfied with his conclusion.

"So… what now?" Link asked.

"Well, let's do something to try and salvage this chapter from plot progression hell." And so, Link, Groose, and an injured Cheeb walked the dinosaur off into the sunset, ready to embark on a new adventure.


	5. A Groose, a Sidekick, a Kikwi, and

"Well, I guess we need to start seeking out those demon chiefs or what not." Link held the scroll in his hands, reading the poorly scribbled message again. Demise may have been a Demon Lord, but damn, he couldn't write to save his life.

Cheeb piped in, "Well, we have the three of us."

Groose slowly counted to make sure Cheeb was right. "Uno… five… sieben… uh… yeah, sure, three, l-let's go with that."

"Well, we're going to need a way to find these summons where the demon chiefs are located." Link analyzed the situation in his head. "I would assume that they simply found where the pieces landed, and set up camp. We just need to find them, although that may prove difficult without some sort of guide. Although this land has been well traversed, finding eight various fragments scattered across the face of the surface is going to be like looking for a dung beetle in a shit stack."

"Well, then I guess we're going to need some sort of mystical being with the power to find things… and I know just the one."

* * *

The doors slowly creaked open, giving a somber feel as though the last time this room had been touched was an entire story ago. Lurching forward into the room, a silhouette danced across the wall, sneakily making his way to the pedestal that stood at the back. As he approached, the blade he was seeking began to glow, illuminating the room around him.

A glistening figure burst out of the sword. "Hello… what do you seek? I am the spirit that resides within the sacred sword."

"Hey, would you mind if I took this?"

"Why do you need this? What use wou- wait a second… who are you?"

"I'm… uh… Smitty… Werben Jager… uh… Man Jensen! Yes, that's who I am! I'm Smitty Werben Jager Man Jensen!" At the entrance, a loud smacking noise echoed off the hallowed walls of the temple.

"**Screw off.**"

"But Fi… we _neeeeeeeeeeeed_ you!"

"**Groose, I already put up with your bullshit once, I'm not doing it again.**"

"How'd you know it was m- I mean, why would you think that I'm Groose, and not Smitty Werben Jager Man Jensen?"

"I sensed a severe lack of brain cells entering the area."

"Oh my Goddess… **Mission abort!**" Groose screamed, rolling down the steps of the temple.

"Groose, what's wrong?" Link called from the entrance. "Groose, did you get the sword?" Link took a step inside. "Groose!?" Cheeb, not one to let a decent reference escape the clutches of his tiny Kikwi laugh box, joined in, screaming the finishing "**Groose!**" and then humming the game over jingle.

Groose came plowing through the doorway, nearly plowing over Link. He had just barely sidestepped Groose. Cheeb was not so lucky.

* * *

"Okay, well that idea didn't go so well… but it did give me another idea."

"An idea?" Link gave a sarcastic response to Groose, meanwhile nursing Cheeb's minor injuries.

"It's just a couple cuts and bruises, I'm fine. Maybe a little internal bleeding, but hey, it lets you know you're alive, right?" Cheeb coughed up a tooth as he spoke, which ricocheted off a tree and embedded itself in his forehead.

"Do Kikwis even have teeth?" Link asked Cheeb.

"No."

"Okay listen," Groose interrupted Link's indecisive medical diagnosis, "we're going to need someone who can help us easily track down these Triforce Pieces. I think I know a guy… but I'm not sure he's in "good" condition."

* * *

"Who goes there!?" a shaky voice called out from among the branches. Groose and Link stood in the center of the Great Tree, fists up. Cheeb was nestled between their feet, unable to move out of sheer terror.

"Show yourself." Link calmly attempted to persuade the voice. It moved from branch to branch, leaves rustling and some falling.

"Dude, we know it's you." Groose called out.

"That's it, I'm attacking!" The assailant let loose a muffled cry, and flung himself from the trees. He flopped on the ground in front of Groose about five feet.

"Wait, you meant _him_!?" Link asked, stunned.

"Yeah, what about him? He can help us find what we need." Groose replied.

"Indeed… it will be… _fmpdmpphh_" the voice said.

"Uh, can you lift your head off the ground? What was that last part, it was kind of muffled." Link asked.

"I said… it will be… _fabulous_."


End file.
